


The Ball's In Your Court

by Queen_Sharapova (Masha4Lyfe)



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013), The Fosters (TV 2013) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, High School, Hurt/Comfort, Jonnor - Freeform, M/M, Secret Relationship, the fosters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 08:33:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5659690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masha4Lyfe/pseuds/Queen_Sharapova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jude has started his junior year, and things are going well for him. His grades are good, and he's captain of the tennis team. But when an unexpected new kid begins to mix things up, Jude doesn't know how to handle it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

            Jude Adams Foster had been adopted by Stef and Lena when he was 12 years old. He and his sister, Callie, had previously been in 6 pretty bad foster homes before they were shown love and support by these strong women they had been given to. Stef and Lena spared no effort to show that they were welcome. Though Jude was adopted early on, there had been trouble getting Callie. Eventually, though, everything worked out and they became the happy family they were meant to become. Jude was now 16 and approaching his junior year in high school, while Callie, and all of his other foster siblings had made their way off to college.

 

            Jude’s siblings had always been outgoing and blunt, Callie more than the others, but he never found the need to be like that. Jude found it easier to simply fly under the radar. He made a point not to draw too much attention to himself, especially when it came to school. He excelled academically, but never flaunted it. He didn’t dress or talk in a way that would have people go off and talk about him, and he made sure that he did not create a reputation for himself.

 

In all of his time at Anchor Beach, he truly only had made one real friend. Jude didn’t mind that his friend pool was rather shallow, because that’s what made his true friend so special. Her name was Taylor. Taylor met Jude in the 7th grade when they were paired together for a science project. Ever since then they had been inseparable. Jude found Taylor to be a positive energy in his life. She was always there when he needed to talk, and she was never judgmental. They balanced each other out, and that was the way Jude liked it.

 

            In their freshman year, Jude and Taylor decided to go out for the tennis team. As it turns out, both were quite good, and made varsity. Jude loved playing, but it also didn't hurt that tennis was not one of the most showcased sports at school. Going into this year, Jude and Taylor were Co-Captains of the team, and they were making it their goal to win the NCAA High School State Championships. 

  
*JUDES POV*

Hearing the blaring of my alarm clock on my nightstand, I got up to face yet another first day of a year I wasn't really looking forward to. The red numbers flashed 6:00 am, and I lingered in the comfort of my bed only for a few seconds as to make sure I didn’t stray from my schedule. Ever since I started at Anchor Beach, I decided that I wanted to maintain a schedule of sorts. Every morning I wake up at 6, shower until 6:30, eat breakfast, and make sure I am out the door by 7:00 with classes starting at 7:25.

 

Now I know that the whole premise of having that detailed of a schedule sounds a bit eccentric, but it just made a lot of sense to me to try and have control over something in my life. It’s just nice knowing that I can rely on something to be constant and stable after having more than half my life be the complete opposite. The foster system was rough. Was I going to get beaten today? How about Callie? Is Callie going to come back after running away this time? That life led too much stress and anxiety into my life. Having a set schedule for myself really helped me feel like I could for once have peace of mind.

 

I pulled into my parking spot at 7:10, giving me fifteen minutes to get to my locker and be early to class. I walked over to the locker area, and I put in my combo and began piling my books into their metal prison.

“Morning, Judicorn.” a familiar voice chirps.

“Oh no. Not you too!” I groaned.

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger, Jude! Mariana just wanted to make sure you didn’t forget about her on your first day of school!”

“Well, I don’t think that’s even possible. Just make sure you never use that nickname with me again, Taylor, or I’ll be forced to kill you!” I respond sporting my most serious and James Bond-like face, only to crack and let out a few laughs

“Haha yeah, ok, good one Jude!” Taylor squeaks, trying her hardest to stifle her giggles.

“So really though. How about we meet at the usual spot during lunch, I made some drills for practice that I want to run by you?”

“For sure! By the way, what’s your first period class? I have statistics.”

“Same! Now I know for sure we’ll have all the projects in the bag!”

After glancing at my watch, I look up and say, “Well, I’m gonna go ahead and get on to class, see you there!”

“Right,” she sighs, “wouldn’t want to get in the way of your schedule.” She says all too sarcastically, not forgetting to use her patented air quotes when referring to “schedule”.

 

As she’s walking away, the five minute bell sounds. Shutting my locker I look at my schedule for my first period class’ room number. _Ok, AP Statistics_ _… room 437_ _…. that would be *OUCH*_

 After fumbling back into my locker, I look to see what had caused the pain that was now shooting through my skull. As I look up, I feel the wincing grimace of pain on my face go away. In front of me is a student that I have never seen before. Standing about 3 inches taller than me, wearing a blue plaid flannel, having sandy blonde hair, is a boy with the most intriguing hazel eyes I have ever seen. Even with his hands clutching his head, and his squinted eyes, there was just something about him that caught me off guard.

 

“Oh, I…I’m really sorry!” I stutter out.

“No, don’t be silly…I should have been watching where I was going.” he replies, still cringing from the collision.

I stood there in silence for what seemed like a while, assessing whether or not he had gotten hurt, but also sneaking another glance at his eyes.

“Well I better get going. It was nice to meet you—” I extend my hand hoping to get his name.

“Connor. Connor Stevens.” He accepts my hand, and flashes a smile that sends shivers down my spine.

“Hi, I’m Jude.” I smile back, both of us still shaking hands.

“Well, sorry again about running into you. It was nice to meet you, Jude.” The corners of his mouth morphing into a soft smile as he walks away.

“Yeah, you too.” I whisper to myself, knowing he can’t hear me. I find myself staring off into the length of the empty hallway when the two minute warning bell rings.

 _SHIT. I_ _’M GONNA BE LATE._ I think to myself. Sprinting, I make my way to my first period class.

*************************************************************************************************************

After class, I’m still dazed by the events with Connor, and of course, Taylor notices something is up. After making her way through walls of kids, she catches up to me.

 

“Dude, what happened? You’ve never been late to a class!” she tries to whisper, but it’s more like a hushed shouting.

“I just ran into some kid, and I got thrown off schedule. The worst part was being called out by the teacher and having to get a tardy! I have never felt so many eyes on me at once.” I exhaled.

“You mean you’re not upset about being thrown off your mighty schedule?!” Taylor questions using her mocking voice I’m just **_SO_ ** fond of.

“Nah, not really.” I shrug off her question and glance at the ground as we continue walking, letting my subconscious wonder to my early morning encounter.

 

My mind revisits each detail as my feet glide over the glossy checkered tile. My thoughts settle on the deep hazel eyes that seemed to have some kind of hold on me, and I find a half smile creep its way onto my lips.

*************************************************************************************************************

Finally it was 7th period. Tennis was a class I could finally rely on.

“Ok guys. I hope everyone has had a good first day of school, but it is time to get back into the swing of things!” I shouted through my cupped hands.

“Jude is right. So first thing’s first. I have a new conditioning drill written up, so we’ll get that out of the way, then Jude and I have assigned everyone to practice matches. Let’s get pumped!”

I was glad to be working with Taylor. Even though it wasn’t so stressful now, I know it’ll get there, so it will be a great help having us work together this year.

 

After conditioning, we started our practice matches, and I was playing a kid named Scott. Scott wasn’t a bad athlete, but he thought way more of himself than he had reason to.

“I am going to beat you today, Jude. It is high time I did!” he smirked.

“Haha ok, Scott. But it’s not like it matters, it’s just practice!” I quipped.

 

The match was going just as I imagined it would, though I didn’t voice it to Scott. I was up 5-2 and 30-0 about to serve when I saw someone talking to the coach. Grasping the yellow fuzzy ball, I flicked my wrist and let it drop onto the court then bounced it with my racquet. I strained my eyes through the metal fence to see who it was. _You_ _’ve got to be kidding me. Why is he here?!_ My mind was screaming. It’s one thing to run into him in the hallway, but the tennis courts? There is absolutely no way he is on the tennis team. That is way too coincidental for my liking. I turned around and strutted to the service line. _Just shake it off Jude. You_ _’re here to play tennis, not focus on this guy, Connor_ _…though he did have beautiful eyes..those deep hazel ey_ _…JUDE SNAP OUT OF IT!_ I shook my head and wiped off the trickling beads of sweat with my blue Nike sweatband. I bounced the ball twice on the service line, just like I always did, and brought it up to the face of my racquet. Taking a deep breath, I tossed the ball in the air and bent my knees. Recoiling off the court, I lunged myself up and out and swung through the ball. _Ace._ The ball bounced right off the tip of the T, and Scott didn't budge an inch. From across the net, I could see him clench his jaw and wiggle his nose in angst whilst moving over to the ad side. I swiped the extra ball out my pocket in one swift motion and bounced it on the line its usual two time. Going through my service motion, I hit the ball wide into the service box, Scott’s racquet barely making contact. I sprinted from my position on the baseline and stopped a few feet back from the net letting the arching ball above me bounce. I shifted my feet and shoulders, preparing to hit a winning overhead when I saw him.

 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Connor reclining against the bleachers, arms crossed. Just that split second away from the ball and I was screwed. I return my focus to the ball to see that I can no longer hit a good overhead. Contorting my body in a way that is not even close to proper form, I swing at the ball hoping it will go over the net some way. The ball leaves my racquet and hits the tape covering the net. My eyes squeeze close together as I hope that it rolls over to bounce on Scott’s side of the court. It does, and I raise up my arms to signify I was sorry about the way the shot ended up. Having won the set, and the practice match, I discard my racquet in its bag and start making my way towards the locker room when a hand clutches onto my shoulder from behind.

 

“Hey Jude, nice forehand. Maybe you can give me some pointers sometime.” Connor smirks, a little hint of laughter coming from his mouth. _Wait_ _…did he just wink at me? No_ _…not likely._

I stand there, not exactly sure what has just happened, but my mind is drowning in thoughts as I stare at Connor walking away. Who really was this Connor Stevens, and why did he make me feel this way?


	2. Chapter 2

Walking into the house, I made the quick decision to simply go straight to my room. I was still trying to comprehend the events that had happened during 7th period, and I was in no mood to try and socialize with anyone. After shutting the door to my room, I plopped down onto the bed and started my homework. After about an hour, I felt my phone buzz beside me, I picked it up and unlocked it. The message was from an unknown number:

 

**Hey Jude. It’s Connor Stevens. Just wanted to let you know that I got your number from coach and he wanted me to let you know that I’d be joining the tennis team. I’m relying on you to help me get situated, Captain (;**

 

I sat there on my bed, stunned. That whole text just took an interesting turn, and I have no idea how to respond. _Do I just ignore that comment? The WINK? HE WINKED AT ME! Jude…just chill…It was a winking emoticon, that hardly means anything…right?…_ Calmly, my thumbs sail across the glass as I type out a response.

 

**Hey Connor. So, I guess we’ll just start by having you play some practice matches, that way we can assess where you are, so then we can have an idea where to put you in the team bracket for when we decide who plays what line for districts.**

 

**Sweet, thanks. See ya tomorrow, and also, still waiting for help on my forehand (;**

 

Ok. This is not happening. Plugging my phone in to charge, I lay in my bed trying to sift through my thoughts and find a way to understand how I am feeling, but sleeps takes me over before I can come up with something.

 

Waking up the next morning, I glance at my clock. Stretching, and feeling refreshed, I rub my eyes to eliminate the haze. _6:30. Ok…. WAIT WHAT!! HOW IS IT 6:30?!?!_ Realizing that I had not set my alarm last night, I jump out of bed, almost in a manner that you’d see in a cartoon. After showering, I have to skip breakfast in order to even stay on my schedule. It’s 7:10 and I’m pulling into my parking spot. _At least I made it on time,_ I think to myself, trying to remain calm. Taking the key out of the ignition I rest my forearms on the steering wheel. Glaring at the silver Mustang logo, I rest my head on my folded hands. _Ok, Jude. Today is just another day. This Connor guy isn’t important enough to simply throw your entire life off schedule._ _Especially_ _after just one day._ After my feeble attempt at a pep talk, I snatch up my backpack and swing one of the straps around my right shoulder. 

 

Making my way into Statistics, I sit in my desk and smile at Taylor who is sitting next to me. The bell rings and we begin working on the warm up when the door to the room opens. In strolls Connor Stevens. Walking up to Mr. Powell’s desk, Connor hands him his schedule and starts scanning the room when his eyes land on me. He nods in my direction and I smile back at him. Lowering my head, I glance down at my paper then at Taylor. _Seriously. Can I not catch a break?_ Being brought back to reality, Connor asks,

“Hey Jude, is this seat taken?”

“No, go for it.” I respond making sure not to make eye contact with him. 

The rest of class doesn’t go too well. I find myself staring blankly at the back of Connor’s head the whole time, simply lost in my thoughts. I’ve never been so confused about something in my whole life. I just don’t get it. I’ve never felt this strange. What is going on with me? I bump into this random kid and all of a sudden I’m as giddy as Mariana when she’s around Isabella. It doesn’t make sense. Just as class is about to end, Mr. Powell clears his throat.

“Ok class, I know it’s only the second day of school, but we are going to be starting a project!”

Groaning begins resonating throughout the classroom.

“It will be due at the end of this grading period, and I want it to cover one of the topics we will be studying in the first 6 chapters of the textbook. This project will be done in pairs—”

Taylor glances over at me and dishes out a fist pump, I can only help but chuckle.

“—but before y'all get too excited, I have already assigned you all to partners.”

Taylor’s smile slips off her face and is replaced with a scowl and a jaw clench. Mr. Powell begins to read off the names of our partners. Taylor ended up getting paired with a boy she has a crush on, so I have a feeling that she isn’t too upset with how things turned out.

“Ok, Jude, you will be working with—” flipping to the next page of his legal pad, Mr. Powell speaks, “Connor Stevens.”

Turning around, Connor says “Hey, this will be fun!”

“For sure!” I echo, trying not to sound too enthusiastic. Secretly, I guess I was happy I ended up partnered with Connor. This would definitely give me a chance to examine as to why he throws me off so much.

 

The rest of the day went by without any problems, and I found myself walking to tennis with Taylor before I knew it. We gave our usual spiel to the team and soon got to work. Since I’d played my practice match yesterday, I assigned those who hadn’t played one, and then spent the rest of the time brainstorming ideas with coach. Leaving the locker room, I walked towards court 1 to see who was playing. It was Connor and another kid, Robert. Climbing onto the bleachers, I place my elbows on my knees and cup my face in my hands. Watching Connor play was like watching an Olympic ice skater. He played seemingly effortlessly and had great skill. The rally I’d starting watching was intense. Each boy returning one shot after another until Connor took advantage of a short ball and smashed it into a corner cross-court. Robert scrambled to get it back, but his racquet only making the ball fly into the air. Running up to the net, Connor stops to prepare for an overhead. Then it happened. Connor turns his head in my direction, and we make eye contact. Grinning, Connor turns his head back to the ball and backs up, letting the ball bounce. Swinging through the ball, Connor hits a perfect forehand winner to the opposite side of Robert. Walking back to the baseline, Connor turns his head towards me again, flashing me a smile whilst winking. 

 

My eyes widen and my mouth opens, letting out a scoffing huff of air. _You’ve got to be kidding me._ Getting up from my place on the bleachers, I walk over to my backpack and being working on my Statistics homework. After practice, Connor walks over to me.

“Hey, so do you think we should get started on this project sometime soon?” He questions.

“Yeah, how about we get together this weekend, we can do it at my house.” I answer.

“Cool, that works for me.”

“Hey, Stevens,” Coach approached Connor and places a hand on his shoulder, “nice swinging volley. I have a feeling you’re going to be a great addition to this team. Jude, I want you to take this kid under your wing, and get to know him. I could see you boys being a great doubles team.” And with that remark, he proceeds to leave the courts.

Beaming, Connor turns towards me,

“Yeah, Jude. We will for sure have to work on getting acquainted. And maybe we could learn a thing or two from each other. And I have just the idea. We can start with that swinging volley. You’re familiar with that shot, right?” Laughing all too sarcastically, Connor turns and walks away. And with that, Connor Stevens, for the second time, has left me absolutely flabbergasted.


	3. Chapter 3

            The rest of the week seemed to go by pretty uneventfully. I began to talk to Connor a lot more. He was smart, funny, and really just a great guy. I still felt something in the pit of my stomach every time we had a conversation, and each time, the feeling got larger. With every sarcastic comment I laughed harder,     and with every smile, my stomach flipped higher. I’m pretty sure these feelings don’t happen this quickly for anyone, but I decided to just ignore them. No good could come from letting them mean something. And just like that, it was the end of Friday, and I was heading home for the weekend. I was anxious and excited for the next day, but I wouldn’t allow myself to acknowledge why.

 

            Feeling the warm beams of sunlight peeking through my blinds, I reluctantly opened my eyes. Stretching, I expanded every part of my body to cover my bed and let a squeal escape my mouth. Glancing at the clock, I registered that Connor would be coming over in about 2 hours to start working on our Statistics project. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I sat there for a moment, just trying to wake up. Dragging myself to the bathroom, I turned on the shower and let the water run so it would get warm. I find that during my showers is when I get the most thinking done. I’m not really sure why, it was just something that tended to work for me. And this time was no different.

 

             I couldn’t help but think about how just after one week of this school year, I could tell it was not going to be what I expected it to. I thought about the day I ran into Connor. His Hazel eyes and contagious smile just drew me in from the start. Why was that? I’d always acknowledged that I saw boys in a different way than girls, but this was the first time that I had ever known so indisputably that that was the case. Whether or not I was gay, I didn’t want to label myself. That would go against everything I wanted to accomplish in high school. Being gay was something the other kids took notice of, and I never want to be noticed.

 

            With a vacant expression on my face, I stared into the falling droplets of water as the pounded against my skin. I wasn’t sure of how much time passed, but I finally got out of the shower when the water ran cold. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I thought about my looks. _I wonder how I_ _’d look if I styled my hair with gel. What it I spiked my bangs? I wonder if he_ _’d notice_ _…_ _Jude_ _…_ _Don_ _’t get carried away. This is just for a project. You don_ _’t need to care if Connor will like the way you look._ Well, despite my inner voices of reason trying to talk me out of primping myself up, I still ended up styling my hair, putting on cologne, and a nice polo. Checking myself out in the mirror, I looked back at the clock. _Ok, still have 45 minutes. What to do, what to do._ I scanned my room and decided to play the new Zombie Apocalypse shooter game I’d just gotten.

 

            Hearing a knock at the door, I paused my game and trotted down the stairs to the door. Opening the door, Connor greeted me with that toothy smile. My stomach flipped a little, but I ignored it. I exchanged a greeting and proceeded to show him up the stairs to my room.

 

“So, are we the only ones here? Are your parents out?” Connor asked.

 

“Yeah, my moms are out running errands, and the rest of my siblings are in college.” I replied.

 

“Oh you have two moms? That’s really cool!”

 

“Yeah, they’re really amazing. I love them!”

 

____________________________________________________

 

“I really think it would be cool to do Hypothesis Testing though. We could take really fun surveys at school, or look up sports statistics, and then run a test to see if there are patterns for prediction.” I declared.

 

“That does sound really cool, Jude, but I’m not entirely sure how to do that? Like, I love the concept, but I just… I don’t understand all the formulas and wording involved.” He admitted, looking down to the shag carpet below us.

 

Feeling bad, I leaned over and spoke softly:

“Look, I’ll try and help you.” I cooed.

 

Leaning over, I picked up my spiral and my pencil, which was sitting next to Connor. Picking up my pencil, my hand brushed Connor’s pinky. I tried to not seem affected by it, but I could feel Connor tense up. He inched a little closer as I began to explain the test on the notebook paper. I could feel his breathing near my ear and behind my shoulder. It was strangely relaxing, and the warmth of his breath made my hairs stand up: but I pushed that to the back of my mind. After finishing my explanation, Connor knelt beside me and said

 

“Wow, that really helped! You’re so smart, Jude. I wish I could understand all of this stuff that well.” He sighed.

 

“Thanks, but it wasn’t always this way.” I recalled.

 

“I had no interest in my studies before I got here. There were a lot of other things occupying my mind.”

 

“What do you mean before you got here?” Connor prodded, furrowing his eyebrows.

 

“I was a foster kid. I was in the system until I was 13. That was when Stef and Lena got my sister and I. I was in pretty bad shape, but so was Callie. We were beaten every now and then. But it was something I just got used to. I was more concerned about whether or not we were going to be live functioning humans, rather than things like the quadratic formula or Newton’s Laws.”

 

Looking up, I saw Connor staring at me. His face looked so broken. His mouth gaped a bit, and his eyebrows drooped. I went back to fiddling with the carpet in between my fingers.

 

“Wow. Jude I am so sorry. That must’ve been terrible and traumatic.” He sympathized.

 

For a brief moment we made eye contact. In that moment, I felt comfort. I’d known this boy for less than a week, but for some reason I felt like I could trust him. Listen to me. Sounding like something from The Notebook. Please. That’s not me. Clearing my throat, I got up and sat down on my bed. Peering around the room Connor shouts:

 

“No way! You have the new zombie apocalypse game?!”

 

Walking over to my TV, I respond

 

“Yeah, the multiplayer mode is beast, bro. Wanna play?” I ask.

 

“DO I EVER!” Connor cheers.

__________________________________________________________________

 

“Bro, bro! You can’t do that! Stop killing my backup!” I shouted at Connor.

 

“Hey, it’s not my fault you can’t defend them from my zombies!” Connor rebutted.

 

Annoyed with his methods, I took one hand off my controller and started waving it in front of Connor’s face.

 

“Jude, stop! That’s not fair!” He whined while batting my hand out of the way, only to have me bring it back.

 

Then Connor put down his controller, and grabbed mine. Waving it around in the air pressing random buttons.

 

“Dude no! Are you kidding me! STOP CHEATING!” I screamed, my voice bouncing off the walls.

 

“I’m not cheating! You just suck!” Connor retorted, wrinkling up his nose and letting out a breathy laugh.

 

“Whatever Stevens!” I quipped as I rammed my shoulder into his, pushing him off his bean bag seat.

 

“Wow. You little shit! You think you’re funny?” Connor bantered as he got up.

 

I sat there laughing, unable control the sounds and the types of laughs that were leaving my body. My arms were grasping my stomach, and I was flailing my legs erratically. But before I knew it, I was on the floor too. Connor pinning me down with his arms and knees. I just laid there, laughing like a complete idiot, while Connor hovered over me joining in my laughter. Ours laughs finally subsided, and I opened my eyes. I lost myself in hazel eyes. Those eyes were timeless. I could stare at them for hours and never get bored. After what seemed like a few minutes, Connor started to lean towards me. I wasn’t sure what was about to happen, but I made no effort to stop it. Connor was so close to my face that I could feel his breathing on me. The gap between us was about to close when his denim jeans vibrated. Climbing off me he cleared his throat and walked to the other side of the room.

 

            I lifted my back off the ground and ran my hands through my hair to fix the disgruntled mess it had become. I rested my arms on my knees, and briefly put my head between them. Composing myself, I looked up and glanced over at Connor.

 

“Hey, is everything alright?” I inquired.

 

“Yeah, it’s just my dad. I better get going.” He responded.

 

I walked him down the stairs and opened the front door.

“Well this was fun, and productive. I’ll see ya Monday!” I chirped.

 

“Yeah. See ya.” Connor responded almost as quick as he was out the door.

 

I shut the door and leaned up against it, letting out a deep breath. _Wow. What a day._ I thought to myself. Entering my bathroom, I found myself staring at my lips. I placed a finger up against them, and lightly brushed them. I shut my eyes and thought about what had almost happened. Well, at least what I THOUGHT had almost happened. _Maybe it_ _’s a good thing nothing actually went down. Who knows what would_ _’ve happened after. It could have been really awkward._ Roaming out of the bathroom, I decided to go downstairs and get a snack. Treading down the stairs, I heard the familiar voice of Lena.

 

“Hi honey! Just got home, I heard you had a friend over today! I’m glad you're making friends.” she trilled.

 

“Yeah. His name is Connor Stevens. He’s also on the tennis team. We were working on our Statistics project.” I responded.

 

“I’m just thrilled that you’re branching out to friends other than Taylor.” she answered.

 

“I hope we’ll see more of him around here!”

 

“You probably will. Coach also wants us playing doubles this season, so that’ll be interesting.” I whispered.

 

Then transfixing my eyes into my bag of chips, a smile snuck its way onto my face. This could prove to be a very interesting journey.


	4. Chapter 4

  * 1 Month Later *



 

            This last month was unexpected. Connor and I have become inseparable. I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to be closer than we’ve become. I first thought Connor threw off my schedule when I met him, but now, it seems as if he’s become part of it. Every morning, he meets at my locker and we walk to Statistics together. Once in Statistics, there’s not much learning. Despite anyone else’s knowledge, I spend most of that class in a daze. Following first period, I don’t see him until lunch, but we sit together, along with Taylor. Lunch is fun. We wisecrack with each other, but also discuss tennis. Districts was coming up, so it was important for the team to be in tip top shape. After lunch, Connor and I have all the same classes, so we walk together. We can be so comfortable with each other even in silence. So it’s not awkward just walking with nothing to say. A lot of the time when that happens, I find myself imagining our conversations. Full of laughs and sarcasm. But what I love the most, is that Connor and I have deep serious conversation, too. It’s not just quips and tongue-in-cheek talk with us. We genuinely care for each other, and have each other’s back. We listen to each other’s problems, and I value that more than anything.It is weird, though. I have never been this close with another guy. I know that lots of guys have best friends, but are they like… this? We tell each other everything, but there are also moments where our eye contact lingers for what seems a little too long. I honestly can’t be sure if it means something. Every time moments like that happen, Connor seems to get a little distant. It’s not for a couple a days, or until he does something “masculine”, that we’re completely back to normal. I just don’t get it, and I don’t get him sometimes.

 

 

(…)

 

            Today, Wednesday, was shaping up to be just another normal day. I sat down at our lunch table, and began to discard the items from my brown sack lunch. I felt someone sit down next to me, but when I looked up, I saw that it wasn’t Connor or Taylor.

 

“Hey, Jude!” The girl trilled.

 

“Hey, Daria. What’s up?” I responded. Daria was a girl I’d known since 7th grade. She was pretty, and from what I gathered, decently smart. She was really good friends with Taylor, so I wondered why she was talking to me.

 

“Oh, not much. I was just curious as to whether or not you’d like to go to a movie with me Friday night?”

 

Her forwardness really shocked me. I had never been approached by a girl like this, or anyone for that matter. _Does this mean she_ _’s interested in me? Do I even like her? I mean, I don_ _’t THINK so. But that doesn_ _’t mean I couldn_ _’t like her_ _… Jude, say something. You can_ _’t just leave her hanging!_

 

“Uh.. sure. That would be fun!” I respond, somewhat half-heartedly, hoping she doesn’t notice.

 

“Awesome!” She shrieks, wrapping both of her arms around me. I try to return the..hug.. but my arms are being held in place by Daria’s grasp.

 

“Ok, well I can’t wait for Friday. See ya!” she twitters as she struts away.

 

Not even a 5 seconds later, I am greeted by the slamming of a lunch tray and a very high pitched squeal of, “OH MY GOD!”

 

“Please Taylor!” I shout, while cupping my hands over my ears, “I’ve already had enough inaudible girl noises for today!”

 

“Stop being such a baby, Jude! This is a big deal! Did Daria finally ask you out?!” She prodded.

 

“Yeah. So, wait. You knew about this?” I inquired.

 

“Of course I did, silly!” She screeched back to me.

 

 Seating himself next to me, Connor intrudes:

 

“Jude, why was Daria over here?”

 

“She asked me to go to the movies with her on Friday night” I plainly stated while taking bite of my sandwich.

 

“What…like on a date?” he asked.

 

“DUH!” Taylor interrupted, “She’s been crushing on him for weeks. I’m so glad she finally asked you!” She cheered.

 

At Taylor’s comment, Connor seemed to sink a bit into the chair. Using his plastic lunch utensils, he pushed around the food on his tray and poked and prodded, yet not eating any of it. He stayed like this for a good five minutes, and it wasn’t until Taylor got up to use the restroom that I commented on his state.

 

“Bro,” I whispered as I bumped his shoulder, “what’s up? Talk to me. You haven’t touched your lunch.” I said, concern evident in my voice.

 

Rather than answer my question, Connor posed one of his own.

 

“Do you like Daria? Like, do you want her to be your girlfriend?” He inquired while staring stoically at us untouched meal.

 

“I don’t think so, no.” I posed. With those words he sat noticeably more upright and slightly turned his face towards me.

 

“Really?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Really. I mean, she’s nice and all, but I don’t really know here. I guess I’ll just tell her I can’t take her only Friday. It hopefully won’t be big deal.” I remarked. “And maybe we could hang out instead?” I said, with a hint of optimism in my voice, the pitch tapering a bit upward in anticipation at the end of my words.

 

“Now that’s what a fun Friday night looks like!” Connor shouted, his face glowing.

 

“Don’t worry”, I started, “I could never leave my best friend to suffer one Friday night without me. T’would be such a tragedy!” I quipped dramatically, while patting Connor’s knee mockingly.

 

“Grow up, Jude!” he retorted while snickering a little in the process.

 

It took me a second to notice, because neither of us mentioned it, but my hand hadn’t left Connor’s leg. It was placed on his upper thigh when I finally gained the feeling of where my arms appendage was. In a sudden panic, I jerked my hand away and stood up. Startled by the motion, Connor’s face jerked up and gave me a confused look. Suddenly realizing what had just happened, his face started to get red, and he whipped his head around to face his lunch.

 

“Uhhh…umm. I’m gonna go to the bathroom. I’ll see you in class.” I stuttered out while gathering my backpack from under the table. Connor only nodded to signify that he’d heard my pathetic excuse.

 

            As to be expected, Connor and I kept our distance from each other the rest of the day. As I was walking to my car after practice, I thought about lunch today. Now that I’d actually thought about it, things like this happened a lot more than I had previously thought. It had never been as physical as what I had done today, but these “romantic” moments tended to happen more than just occasionally. I had known for a while that I felt differently towards Connor than I’d ever felt towards anyone. Not just differently than other boys or girls, but _anyone_. I knew deep down what this could mean, but I just kept pushing it further into the depths of my mind. Yes there were undeniable feelings there, but I just could not bring myself to admit them to myself.

 

            And for the first time since I’d met Connor, I went home and neglected my school work. I sat down on my bed, and listened to music until I was lulled to sleep by La Valse de L’Amour. Waking up the next morning, I just had a feeling that it was going to be one of those days. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something was just not feeling right. I got to school and opened my locker. Connor popped up next to me. We didn’t exchange greetings, but just walked to Stat in silence. I didn’t think much of our silence, but it was unusual that I actually used class time to learn the material. After class, Connor bolted, and left me to walk alone. I wasn’t at lunch because I had to help momma with something in her office. It was then that I got a text from Taylor.

 

**Hey, why aren** **’t u @ lunch?**

**I** **’m helping mom with something in the office, why? Everything ok?**

**Yeah, it** **’s just Connor isn** **’t here either and I really dont wanna eat alone lol**

            I glanced at my glowing screen, a little confused. _Why wasn_ _’t Connor there? That_ _’s strange. He was awfully quiet. I wonder if he_ _’s ignoring me_ _… Why would her? This is more silence than I_ _’ve gotten from him before._ All of these thoughts intruded my head, so I excused myself from my mom and joined Taylor at lunch.

 

            I finally saw Connor after 6th period and we walked together to tennis like usual. I decided to strike up a conversation with the ever silent Connor.

 

“Hey, so when you come over tonight I was thinking we could order some pizza, and play video games. Maybe watch some Netflix?” I questioned, as I glanced at his calm face to try and gauge an answer. No response. I turned my face back in front of me to try and think of something else to say, but nothing was coming to me. _Why isn_ _’t he talking to me? Does he hate me now?_

 

“Stuffed crust pizza even! Our favorite! And also, mayb—” I was cut off.

 

“Look Jude. I can’t come over tonight. I made other plans.” he said briskly.

 

“Wh-why?” I stammered. My eyebrows scrunching together, and the corners of my mouth wilting as I questioned.

 

“I asked out Daria. We’re going to the movies.” He said.

 

“Bu-but why? I don’t get it.” I said, clearly stumbling to get my words out. My eyes oscillating between the pavement in front of me and Connor’s face.

 

“Jude. Just leave it alone. You said you didn’t like her anyways. Besides, why do you care so much? It’s not like we’re dating!” He voiced, starting to sound irritated.

 

“You know what Connor, you’re right. I hope your date goes well.” I huffed back, making sure to throw a scowl his way as I stormed off. As I walked away, I though I heard him call after me, but i just kept going.

 

 

(…)

 

I was standing around talking to Taylor at practice when coach comes up with an announcement.

 

“Ok guys. I made a list of practice matches I want to happen today.” He shouted to the crowd of hovered kids. As he read off the names, I couldn’t help but feel like I’d get named to play Connor.

 

“Jude, I want you and Stevens to play!”

 

 _Figures_. _This would happen to me_. I walked over to the court with my racquet bag and water jug. Setting everything down by the bench, I removed my racquet and began to walk to the baseline. We didn’t exchange words or glances. We hit the ball in silence warming up. The only sounds on the court were the sound of the ball reverberating off our strings and the pop of the ball bouncing off the courts surface.

 

“You ready to start?” Connor shouted over the net.

 

“Yeah.” I answered dryly. I didn’t know how this match was going to end up, but I knew it would be a challenge.

 

 

(…)

 

            Drenched in sweat, I wiped the falling droplets off my forehead with my towel. Sitting on the bench with my head between my hands in my towel, I tried to focus myself in the match. We were playing best of 3, and we were at 1 set all. I won the first one handily. 6-3. He won the second 6-4. And now I was up 5-3 in the final set tiebreaker. I knew what I had to do, but I just couldn’t focus on the match. All I could think about was why Connor had asked out Daria. _I thought we were best friends. I mean_ _… I know we_ _’re not dating_ _…or you know, anything like that_ _… but.. still._ I walked to the baseline tossing the ball in my hand. _Ok, Jude. You just need to get this done. ESPECIALLY because it_ _’s Connor.You can_ _’t let him win._

           

            I brought the ball up to the face of my racquet and tossed the ball above me. I lunged forward and hit the ball. _Crap._ The ball fluttered to the bottom of the net. I took my spare ball out of my pocket and bounced it twice on the service line. After going through my service motion, I tossed the ball in the air. Momentarily taking my eyes off the ball, I glanced over at Connor. We locked eyes. I knew this would end badly. My eyes returned to the ball, but it had fallen too low. I swung at it, and once again, the ball was dumped into the net. Throwing up my arms I looked up at the sky and began to shake my head. Frustrated with myself, I let out a loud raspy groan. _5-4._ I walked to the ad side of the court and began my service motion. The serve landed inside the box, and Connor whirled the ball cross court. _Too good._ I couldn’t get there. _5-5._ On the other side of the net Connor shouted “Come On!” while clenching his fist.

 

            It was Connor’s serve. He stepped up to the line and served. The ball plummeted to the net. I let out a sigh of relief. Had that ball gone in, it would have for sure been an ace. His second serve was slow, and I took full advantage of it. I stepped into the court, and worked my feet and body behind the ball. Pivoting my hips as I made contact with the ball, I whipped the ball down the line for a clean return winner. Clenching my fist I glared across the net at Connor. He looked back at me, only to turn away just as quick. _Yes, this is it Jude. 6-5. Match point. You can do this._ Bending my knee’s, I hovered over the baseline, awaiting Connor’s serve. I felt a drop of sweat trickle down my face and drop off my chin. Spinning my racquet in my hands, I watched as Connor tossed the ball and began to swing. My feet came to life, and I lunged toy right. The ball bounced near the T and I flicked the ball back at Connor. He hit the ball back up the middle of the court, and I shuffled my feet to get behind the ball. I shot the ball inside out to the corner opposite Connor, and he bolted in the balls direction. I sprinted up to the net as the ball arched above me. As I prepared to hit an overhead, I couldn’t help but think about the last time I was in that position. As the ball bounced, I looked Connor right in the eyes and made sure he knew what was about to happen. I lifted my left arm and pointed at the ball. I banged the ball right at Connor’s feet and he jumped out of the way. And with that, the match was done.I had won.

           

            Looking at Connor, I sighed. I walked over to my things and threw my racquet in its bag. As I began to swing my bag over my shoulder, Connor started walking towards me. I walked off the court, not planning on looking back.

 

“Wait. Jude!” Connor shouted after me, defeat in his voice.

 

I was so done with this day. I just had to get out. Leaving the courts, and headed to the parking lot to drive home. Connor was not going to ruin my weekend.


	5. Chapter 5

Slamming on the brakes, I shifted the car into park. Today was not turning out to be very pleasant. Sitting in my car in the driveway, I let out a wail full of frustration. Today, Connor definitely lived up to his frequent act of leaving me perplexed. There were lots of things I had come to find out about Connor, and there were lots of things I didn’t understand about Connor. Like why he never talks about his dad, why we never hang out at his house, and why he always wears plaid. Actually, that last one didn’t really bother me, and I find it kinda cute….umm… anyways… yes there were things about Connor that confused me, but I had never dreamed he would end up being the kind of person to blow me off to be with a girl. Not to mention the fact that I blew the same girl off to hang out with him! Pretty sure there’s a rule somewhere in the Bro Bible that that’s like not allowed, but whatever, that didn’t stop the guy. Being so upset about this isn’t going to bode well, so I just need to calm down, and get over it.

 

Talking a few deep breaths, I gathered my stuff and walked into the house. I walked into the foyer and dumped my bags near the stairs when I’m greeted by a voice:

 

“Hey now love, I know you’re probably tired, but you better not be leaving all of that crap there!”

 

“No, of course not Mom, I wouldn’t dream of it!” I wisecracked back to my mom, Stef.

 

“Good. Now come here and give me a kiss.” she laid her book down on her lap, and used her hands to gesture me over.

 

I embraced her in a hug, and followed that by a peck on the cheek. I moved across the room, and plopped down on the leather couch, grabbing a blanket in the process. I glanced over at Stef, who had resumed reading her book, and I couldn’t help but smile. I really loved Stef, but I had always been more partial towards Lena when I first arrived. Lena had such a calming demeanor, and she was never rash, or quick to judge. Stef had always been so stark and hasty to set a punishment, but the longer I was with them, the more I saw of Stef. I think it’s her job that made her seem so punitive, but she is a softy in her own way. Having been in this home for 5 years, I really came to appreciate Stef and Lena’s differences, and though it gave them trouble sometimes, it really was why they were such amazing moms.

 

And so, as I looked over at my mom, blonde hair lounging on the front of her blouse, and glasses resting on the tip of her nose, I couldn’t help but giggle a little bit. It must have been loud enough to take notice, because Stef looked up at me.

 

“What?” she asked while simultaneously removing her glasses from her face.

 

“Nothing!” I chortled.

 

“Well, ok then mr. giggles, be that way!” she conceded. “By the way, when is Connor coming over? I can leave you 2 some money to order in. Your momma and I are going out” she adds.

 

Averting my eyes from her gaze, I shifted them to my feet as I fiddled with the frill from the blanket.

 

“He isn’t coming over anymore.” I confessed, swallowing a large lump that was forming in my throat.

 

“He isn’t?” she questioned.

 

“No.” I answered, biting the inside of my cheek and pursing my lips.

 

“Why not?” She interrogated. I could feel myself getting agitated. I curled my toes and clenched my jaw.

 

“He just isn’t, ok?!” I clamored, pounding my clenched fists in the cushions of the couch. My voice reverberating off of the living room’s frame.

 

“Hold it right there mister!” she roared, slamming her book onto the coffee table and standing up. Placing her hands on her hips she continued, “You will most certainly not take that tone with me! Now why don’t you apologize and calmly tell me what happened.” she chastised.

 

“You’re right,” I answered. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” I closed my eyes and inhaled through my nose. With Stef sitting on the corner of the coffee table in front of me, I continued. “Connor isn’t coming over because he ditched me to go to the movies with this girl Daria even though I was supposed to go out with Daria but broke it off because Connor was acting like a little kid for having to spend a Friday night without his best friend. He was all sulking and annoying when I told him she asked me out, and the moment I said I’d call it off to hang with him he was soooo happy.Then he goes and doesn't talk to me all today then acts like a jerk when he tells me he is not coming over, but going out with her. So, naturally I’m confused because I don—” Stef raised her index finger into the air and I stopped talking.

 

“So, assuming that I understand what everything you just said at such a mind-boggling speed; Connor isn’t coming because he is going on a date with a girl you turned down for him.” She crossed her arms and lifted her eyebrows. “Am I correct?” she interrogated.

 

“Basically.” I replied, nodding my head for reassurance. “I just don’t get why he would be happy, then ditch me for the same girl he was pissed I was gonna go out with, and then on top of it all just not talk to me.” I sighed in defeat, running my fingers through my brunette locks.

 

“I mean, he’s a teenage boy! You guys are so irrational. It makes me laugh to think people think women are so confusing!” she snickered.

 

“Hah, yeah.” I huffed, widening my eyes in the process.

 

Narrowing an eye and scowling at me, she begins “Even so, there must be some reason he didn’t talk to you. Did something else happen that you're not telling me?” She challenged.

 

 _Yes._ “No.” I lied.

 

Looking at me, then to the floor, she let out a heavy breath and pushed up off the coffee table.

 

“Ok, I believe you, love. But if you want to talk about, or anything else, just let me know.” she eyed me reassuringly.

 

“Ok.” I smiled.  After she left the room, I made my way to my room to work on some homework.

 

(…)

 

Taking a break from my school work, I rotate in my head in circles, popping the discomfort of sitting in a desk chair for hours away. I glance at the red number of my alarm clock to see that it reads 9:45. _UGH. I_ _’ve been doing homework for an hour and a half on a Friday night. This is literally so pathetic. I need to do something else._ For the next couple of hours, I basically did everything under the sun. I played video games, watched a couple of episodes on Netflix, ordered some pizza, and talked on the phone with Taylor, but she had to go, had a date with this boy she was big time crushing on. Everyone was enjoying their night but me. Figures.

 

After hours of dull attempts to entertain myself, I walked into my bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. Really the whole night I was thinking about Connor and his date. I walked around the bathroom talking to myself like a lunatic, occasionally spewing toothpaste blobs. _I bet they_ _’re having just a peachy time. I bet they_ _’re making out. What it they are doing more. Oh God_ _… No. Jude. Don_ _’t go there_ _… besides_ _… what does it matter if they_ _’re doing the nasty_ _… doing the nasty_ _… Jude, really?? ARE YOU 12?! UGH WHATEVER! I bet they_ _’re being all smug. Holding hands, and sharing popcorn, sipping from the same drink. Swapping smiles, laughs_ _—kisses_ _—NOPE! thats it. I_ _’m done thinking about this!_ And with that, I took a swig of water and spit in the sink.

Walking over to my nightstand, I reached under the lampshade and flicked the switch. I undid the covers of my bed and snuggled in. As I was close to falling asleep, the screen of my phone lit up, illuminating the room. Without looking, I reached for my phone and brought it to my face. The brightness causing me to squint. I looked at the screen to see a message from _him. Connor._ Part of me just wanted to turn over and go to bed, but the other side, the side that always ends up winning, told me to read it. I unlocked my phone and read the message.

 

**Hey Jude. I don** **’t know if you** **’re asleep or not, and even if you aren** **’t I don** **’t expect you to respond to this. I just wanted to say that I** **’m sorry for blowing you off. I really can** **’t explain why I did it, I just did. You** **’re my best friend and I don** **’t like it when we fight. I really hope you can forgive me.**

After reading the message a few times, I decided that I would reply. Connor was right. We’re best friends, and he says he’s sorry, so I believed him, but I wasn’t going to let him off that easily.

 

**If u can** **’t explain why u did it, there** **’s no reason to apologize, bc u dont know why ur sorry**

I didn’t expect a response very soon, but it was basically instant, like he was waiting up for me to respond even if he wasn’t sure I was going to.

 

**Jude pls dont b like this! I really cant explain it, I do stupid things sometimes, and u know that! please just forgive me! I need you!**

He _needs_ me…What does that even mean? It’s probably typical Jude reading far too into something. He can’t mean it in an emotional type of way, he probably just means it platonically…like, just…just in a friend way.

 

**I forgive you Con. I** **’ve done stupid stuff too, lol and u know that!**

**Thank you so much Jude! You know I love you like my brother!**

Yeah. I knew that. What else could it have been. My fingers glided across the screen to type out a response.

 

**Now, the real question is** **…how are you going to make this up to me :P**

I watched as the typing bubbles bobbed across the screen.

 

**Don** **’t worry. I have the perfect idea ;)**

I felt my cheeks heat up as I read that message. _Why does he always seem to say stuff like this to me? After all this time, I STILL DON_ _’T GET IT!_

 

Still trying to mull over Connor’s last text, he sends another one:

 

**I** **’m coming over tomorrow. B ready @ 1! Night I** **’m going to bed! :)**

I just couldn’t help but smile at his text. And in a matter of minutes, my day had just done a complete 180. I placed my phone back on the stand, and went to bed that night with a smile on my face. Tomorrow was going to be a great day.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Waking up the next morning, I felt of sense of calmness and ease. Connor and I had made up last night, and he was gonna come over today. His plans, though, were still a mystery to me, but I was intrigued by his covertness. I tossed aside my comforter, and planted my feet on the shag carpet. My toes brushed through the individual fibers, a calm breath entered and left my lungs, and a soft smile inched onto my face. Glancing at my clock, I saw that Connor would be over in a little over an hour. _Ok, 11:45, I have a bit over an hour. Wow. 11:45? I slept in really late today!_ I had slept like a baby last night. I decided that it was not because of Connor and I making up or because we had plans for today. I actually really didn’t decide on a reason, I just chose to not have a reason, because…well… the only reason I could conclude was the reason, _was_ in fact because of Connor. If that even makes any sense at all… Well it did to me, so whatever. But, me being me, I just ignored that.

 

I pranced into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Yes. I did indeed prance, all the while smiling like a complete buffoon. I got in the shower and let the pellets of warm water clash with my skin. After cleaning and washing my hair, I got out of the shower. Humming, I opened the drawers of my dresser to select what I was going to wear. I settled with a checkered button front shirt, and khaki shorts. I wasn’t sure just how primped I wanted to be, because I didn’t want to send a signal that would be awkward. I decided to spray on a little bit of cologne and style my hair with gel. Emerging in my room, my eyes flickered over to the clock. _Only 15 more minutes._ I sat at my desk to work on my remaining homework, to pass the time until Connor showed up.

 

I looked up at the clock once more, only to find out that it was 10 past one. Connor isn’t usually late. _Where is he? He hasn_ _’t texted me._ I picked up my phone and shot him a text.

 

**Hey, where are you? Hope you didn** **’t forget. I** **’ll kick ur ass :P**

 

I waited for a couple of minutes.Nothing. This wasn’t like him. At least when he blew me off for Daria I was given a heads up, but this: this was pissing me off. I tossed my phone to my bed and crossed my arms, a scowl lurking on my face. I waited about another 20 minutes when I heard my phone ding. I trudged over and read the message.

 

**I am so sorry I am not there. Something came up, and I couldn** **’t get there at 1. I am coming over now, and I** **’m not taking no for an answer :)**

I couldn't help but smile at this. I had every reason to be mad at him, but it was impossible. I couldn’t bring myself to hate him. So, I prepared for Connor’s arrival. About 5 minutes later I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door to see Connor holding a backpack and also a face of delight headlined with a cheek-to-cheek smile.

 

“So, before you say anything. This backpack contains your favorite candy, movies, and board games. I was such a jerk for ditching you, but also for being late today! You’re my best friend and I am going to make up for my terrible lapse in judgement this past week” he declared, and all in one breath.

 

I didn’t say a word. Instead of responding to him, I leapt forward and hugged him, greeted by one of Connor’s toothy chuckles.

 

“I take that as an ‘I am forgiven’.” He said.

 

“You would be absolutely correct!” I uttered.

 

(…)

 

 

Leaning up against the couch, Connor and I had just finished watching The Parent Trap. We had spent the last 4 hours having the best time. We played video games, board games, watched our favorite movies. It was one of the best times I could remember having with Connor. Breaking the silence we had been in, I leaned over and said:

 

“Hey, I bet I can beat you in ping pong.”

 

As if to challenge me by his facial expression, Connor raised an eyebrow and retorted,

 

“Oh, ok Jude. Tennis may be one story but, Ping Pong is another.”

 

“So I’m supposed to believe you’re heaps better at ping pong?” I questioned.

 

“Do not underestimate me, Jude. In a past life, I actually won the Olympic Gold in Ping Pong. Just saying, I am the master.” he quipped with a goofy smirk on his face.

 

“Oh, I am scared now!” I answered sarcastically, raising my arms in the air as if to surrender.

 

We walked to the backyard patio where the table was and picked up the paddles. After a couple minutes of just hitting the ball around, we decided to play a game. While I wasn’t keeping score, I knew that Connor was. He served the ball and we a got a groove going. I would hit the ball to a corner and it would barely touch the table, but of course, Connor would get it back and hit a shot that was just as good, if not better. The ball came back to me and I swatted the paddle at it, but rather than hit the table, it went shooting back at Connor, and hit him in the face. Closing his eyes and flinching as the ball made a popping sound on contact, Connor dropped the paddle. As I was doubled over laughing, Connor spoke.

 

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it was your goal in life to injure me!” He shouted.

 

“Only problem is,” he started, “now you’re gonna have to pay!”

 

“hahah, oh no.” I backed up from the table as Connor started to inch towards me. “No. No no no no. Connor stop!” I screeched as I ran out into the open of the yard with Connor chasing me. I tried to dodge him by running around a tree, but he had me. I bolted from one side only to have Connor tackle me to the ground.

 

Laughing, I glanced up at the boy who was on top of me. Those hazel eyes. The same eyes that had us collide in the hallway his first day. The same eyes where my glance lingered every so often, and the same eyes that I caught looking at me when Connor thinks I’m not looking. Looking away, I raised my arm so I could try and shove Connor off of me. When my hand touched his chest, he flinched and crawled off me.

 

“Oh my god Connor! I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you!” I plead.

 

A look of agony on his face as he said, “No, I know Jude. You didn’t do anything. I was just already hurting” he admitted.

 

“What happened?” I questioned.

 

“Nothing.” _Liar._

 

“Connor.” I said firmly. “What happened?” I demanded.

 

Breathing deeply, Connor lifted up his shirt from the bottom, to reveal multiple bruises on his chest. My hands found my lips, and I covered them. I leaned in closer towards Connor. Tears starting to form in my eyes.

 

“This is why you were late.” I concluded. I could see Connor nod. I took a hand off my face and gingerly began to reach for the bruise. My hand made contact with the blue blotch and Connor cringed. I immediately retracted my hand, spewing out “I’m Sorry”’s.

 

“Did your dad do this?” I prodded. No answer.

 

“Connor, I know you don’t like to talk about him, but if he did this you need to tell me.” I urged.

 

“I know what it’s like to be hit and not be able to tell anyone about it. I care about you, Con. So _please._ I’m _begging_ you.” I empathized.

 

Connor drew in a breath and began.

 

“My dad is a drinker. His job his been pretty stressful lately. His boss has been giving him nonstop building plans to draw up, so he’s been irritable from lack of sleep. I told him last night that I was coming over here today, and he was ok with it,” Connor paused to take another breath, “but this morning I could smell the alcohol. I was leaving and he told me that my ‘lazy no-good ass hadn’t any business going to see anyone’. I made the mistake of telling him that he told me it was ok, because I mean of course he didn't remember that.” Connor had started crying by now, and had rested his head on my shoulder.

 

“I told him I didn’t care and that I was going to go, but he came over to me and grabbed my shirt. He started—he started to punch me in the stomach call me a little shit for disobeying him and being a disappointment as a son.” he sobbed.I had started crying by now, too. I was cradling Connor as he continued. “And—and—then, he pushed me into the stairs and I fell.” I took Connor’s head and put it under my chin as he continued. “I should’ve known better. It was all my fault. I knew he was tired and stressed. I should have listened to him. I should have known better than to detest him and disturb him.” Hearing those words made me fume.

 

I shifted myself in front of Connor, and lifted his chin so we were making eye contact.

 

“Connor, listen to me. It took me a long time to figure out, but you can’t blame yourself. It is not your fault that your dad hit you. This may be the first time I’m hearing about it, but I can bet it has happened before. Am I right?” Connor nodded. I cupped both of my hands on his cheeks. “Connor you do not deserve to be abused. You’re too amazing.” I sob, both of us crying streams of tears at this point. “You do not deserve this!” I repeated with emphasis, and Connor pressed his left cheek further into my right hand. I felt his warm tears seep into the crevices of my skin.

 

“You are such an amazing guy. You’re smart. You’re talented. You’re funny. You’re kind—” I kissed a tear on his cheek, “You’re generous—” I kissed a tear on his other cheek and looked him in the eyes. “—and you have a large loving heart.” then I kissed his forehead. I looked back into Connor’s eyes and he was staring back at me, his lips parted and breathing quickly, tears still falling. Realizing all I had just done, I removed my hands from his face and wiped them on my shorts. I diverted my eyes from his gaze and looked rapidly around the yard.

 

“I—I umm.. I’m sorry for what just happened.” I stuttered as a began to get up. As I was about to push off the ground, I felt Connor grab my hands.

 

“No,” he cooed, “don’t be.” He pulled me back down to his level and held my hands in his. We stared at each other for a moment before my breathing got heavy. He leaned in closer to me, and I responded by closing the gap a bit more. It was Connor, though, who made the remaining space between us disappear. His lips found their way to mine. I could taste his salty tears, but I didn’t care. I was kissing Connor, and he was kissing me. Our lips parted, and our tongues intruded each others mouths. Our tongues waltzing, tangoing, doing whatever we willed them to. I felt Connor’s hand on my neck, and I placed mine on his waist. We stayed kissing like this for what seemed like hours, until I broke it. I smiled at him and leaned my forehead against his. He moved my face to be even with his and mouthed ‘Thank You’. I said you are welcome, and he kissed me again.

 

We got up and I led him to the door. I embraced him for quite a while until he said he really had to go. I told him to call me in case anything happened or he just wanted to talk, and he said he would. And with that, Connor was gone, and I sank to the floor as the door shut. _What just happened._ I thought to myself. I walked up the steps to my room in a complete daze. I opened the bathroom door and walked to the mirror. I touched my lips, and then the red stains on my cheeks where I had cried. I turned around and leaned backwards onto the sink.

 

“What does this mean? Hah. Who am I kidding. I know exactly what this means.”

 

I turned toward my mirror, and tried to get myself to say what I knew was true.

 

“ _I like Connor_ _—as a friend._ _”_ _*NO*_

_“I like Connor_ _—as a brother._ _”_ _Wrong again._

 Drooping my shoulders, and hanging my head, I stared into the porcelain sink. I knew very well what I was feeling deep down inside me, but I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. Why couldn’t I just be myself without having to be seen the way I knew people would see me if they knew. I’ve convinced myself that what I felt doesn’t mean anything, but I mean obviously it does. So, I raised my head and looked intensely at my reflection.

 

“ _I_ _’m Jude, and I like Connor._ _I like Connor as more than a friend, and it_ _’s more than a crush._ _”_ Letting out a heavy breath, I began to chuckle. I had finally said it out loud. I like Connor. But not only that. I like Connor, and I think he likes me.


	7. Chapter 7

There are no words to describe how this weekend made me feel. I’m astonished. I’m amazed. I’m in awe. I’m in… _love._ I hadn’t wandered around the tangled web of thoughts in my mind long enough to figure it out until Saturday afternoon. When we _kissed._ Connor and I sat in my backyard and kissed. _Connor. Connor and Me._ I had never planned on talking about my feelings towards him with him, or anyone for that matter. But life is unexpected, and I did not expect Connor to reveal to me that he’d been abused by his father. The final straw was when he was crying into my chest. Weeping. I just knew that I had to comfort him, I didn’t know how I was going to, but I just had to do _something._ Never did I expect that I would kiss him first, granted that it was on his cheeks and forehead, but I had never even imagined a scenario where he would kiss me on the lips first. That moment, though, I can never forget it. We sat on the luscious green grass in each others hold. Faces stained with tears, legs stained with dirt; yet there we were. Lips sending sparks down my spine. His touch sending red flags to my brain— _Get out of here right now. All this will ever lead to is hurt. Mayday Mayday!_ _—_ but I didn’t care. Connor’s tender touch also sent butterflies to my heart. I didn’t know what Connor and I’s relationship would turn into after this, but I didn’t care. Because in that moment, we were infinite. It was just us, in my backyard, in a loving embrace, kissing. And it was because of all of this that I woke up Monday morning with not a care in the world.

 

(…)

 

My alarm went off at its usual time of 6 am, but what was unusual was in the manner I awoke. My eyes fluttered open and I smiled. I removed the covers from my body and I swung my legs over the side of the bed frame. Placing my feet on the floor, I lowered my head and placed it into my hands. Smiling at the floor, I began to sing to myself.

 

_“So this is love, Mmmmmm_

_So this is love_

_So this is what makes life divine_

_I'm all aglow, Mmmmmm_

_And now I know_

_The key to all heaven is mine_ _—“_

All the while I was waltzing around my room, and into the bathroom. I turned on the water and whipped up my hairbrush from the sink, using it as a microphone:

 

“My heart has wings, Mmmmmm

_And I can fly_

_I'll touch ev'ry star in the sky_

_So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of_

_Mmmmmm_

_Mmmmmm_

_So this is love._ _”_

Stepping into the shower, I began to hum another tune. I had never been so hopelessly bemused before. No matter how hard I tried, I simply could not wipe the smile off my face. I must have looked like I complete buffoon, but I didn't care. Getting out of the shower, I styled my hair with gel, and in a way that Connor had once complemented. I also wore a striped button down shirt and a nice pair of jeans, and I topped my look off with my Playboy cologne. Don’t judge, its smell is irresistible. I cascaded down the stairs, taking two at a time, whistling, when I was greeted by Stef.

 

“Good morning, Jude! You seem awfully cheerful.” she noted.

 

“Yeah, I’ve just been in a great mood recently.” I chirped, pouring myself a bowl a cereal.

 

“Oh, really? Any particular reason? Something happen? Better yet, someone?” she questioned.

 

“Nope.” I lied, smiling into my bowl as I devoured a spoonful.

 

After stomaching the rest of my breakfast, I put the bowl in the sink and was on my way out the door. I put my key in the ignition and started the car. I didn't shift the car into reverse right away, instead I sat there staring blankly out of the windshield. I didn’t know how Connor and I would interact today, but I was surely hoping it wouldn't be awkward.

 

Walking to my locker, I put in the combo and popped the lock off. I had my head inside of my locker seizing my books, when I felt someone walk up beside me. I didn’t even have to ask. I knew who it was.

 

“Hey.” he spoke.

 

Taking my head out of my locker and closing it, I turned towards Connor.

 

“Hi.” I replied, smiling. “How are you?”

 

“Great.” he countered, shoving his hands in his pockets.

 

“This weekend was… fun.” I smiled, rolling my bottom lip under the top.

 

“Yeah. I’m really glad I came over.” he cooed, smiling at me, then shifting his gaze to the floor.

 

 _Say something Jude. Don_ _’t just keep up this mindless banter! Say something meaning full._ I glanced at Connor, who was biting his lip, still averting his gaze from my own. _Oh God. That_ _’s so hot. He_ _’s biting his lip. Just look at the way his hair is spiked, and his hazel jewels are_ _— SNAP OUT OF IT JUDE!_

“So—” I was interrupted by the bell, and we began to walk towards our first period class.

 

“You were saying?”

 

“Oh, yeah—umm. I just wanted to say that I’m really glad you came over Saturday. We haven’t hung out like that in a while. It was really nice. I’m sorry about the way I acted when you went out with Daria, I reacted in the complete wrong way.” I apologized. At the mention of Daria’s name, it seemed like Connor got a lot tenser, and he simply nodded as I spoke.

 

“It’s cool.” he answered dryly as we entered the classroom. Taking our seats, the conversation ceased, and we didn’t talk for the rest of the period, and seconds after the bell rang, he bolted. I figured he had reason, so I didn't think anything of it.

 

(…)

 

Standing in this lunch line was dreadful. There were way too many kids crammed together, and there was a sticky feeling in the air given off by the steam. I just wanted to and sit down with Taylor and Connor. Shoving my way through to freedom, I started to head over to my lunch table when I stopped dead in my tracks. If this had been a cartoon, there would have been some definitely skid marks imprinted onto the cafeteria’s tile floor. Staring straight ahead, sitting at the table with Taylor and Connor was… _Daria._ Now, I wasn’t too happy she was there, but her mere presence at the table was not what made me go off. Her arms were weaved between Connor’s arm and her head rested on his shoulder. The sight of this made my throat close up. I felt my face heat up and tears began to well up in my eyes. The room felt like it was getting smaller, and I was having a hard time breathing. The muscles in my throat protruded from my skin as I sucked in my lips. I took in a large gust of air through my nose, and I began to turn to make my way out of the cafeteria. As I was approaching the door to leave and compose myself, Taylor waved me over from the table, and Daria and Connor turned towards me. Connor’s eyes met mine, and I felt the stinging of tears as my vision got blurry. Connor looked away, obviously noting what was occurring.

 

I walked over to the table and sat down next to Taylor. I didn’t make a noise, and I kept my head down, only opening my mouth to put food in it. The others were engaging in conversation, but I felt no need to comment on anything. I was feeling some type of way, and there was no way I was going to feel any better stuck at the table Connor _and_ Daria.

 

“So, how was your date!?” Taylor questioned.

 

I found myself glaring at her. If looks could kill, I might’ve had a dead Taylor next to me. I clenched my jaw and my eyes darted to stare her down.

 

“Oh, it was fantastic! The movie was great, and afterwards, we got ice cream and took a stroll on the beach under the moon!” Daria tweeted.

 

I rolled my eyes and began to violently stab my lunch roll with a plastic knife. I could feel that they were all staring at me but I really didn't care.

 

I could hear Taylor’s eyes leave me as she hesitantly questioned, “So—did you guys—kiss?”

 

Neither of them said anything, but I covertly shifted my eyes up to look at them, and Daria began to blush. She looked over at Connor, and then she kissed him. My jaw dropped and I sprung out of my seat. They jolted apart and everyone stared at me, obviously questioning my actions.

 

“I uh—I have to go to class early. We have a test I haven’t studied for.” I stuttered.

 

“Wait, Jude, I’m in that class. We don’t have a test!” Taylor contested.

 

“Oh—well, I still better get going.” I bolted out of the cafeteria and into the bathroom by my next class. I opened the door to the large stall by the furthest wall and fell into the corner. I could feel the tears streaming down my face. I tried to muffle my whimpers by putting the sleeve of my shirt to my face, but it did no good. My breathing became erratic and I convulsed within the confines of the stall. This could not be happening. How could I have been so stupid. I knew this would never work out. Connor would never like me the way I liked him. I heard someone enter the restroom and a held my breath, trying not to make any noise.

 

“Jude, let me in.” _Connor._ Why was he here. Did he want to inflict further heartache upon me? I would not be able to take anymore. But, I still got up from the floor and unlocked the stall. Connor came in and slumped down next to me.

 

“What’s wrong?” He questioned. My head jolted up from its resting place on my knees. My jaw dropped and my eyes got wide.

 

“Are you fucking serious, Connor? Are you really asking me that question?! You know goddamn well what is wrong!” I spewed. I had never cursed that much in one sentence before, but I was beyond upset. There were so many emotions swirling through my head that I wasn’t even sure how I was able to form that sentence.

 

“You come over to my house to make up for ditching me, you tell me you don’t even like Daria, and then to top it all off—well—you know what happened! And then I show up to lunch and you’re sitting with her, then ya’ll kiss? Did I miss something, Connor? Did something change from Saturday in my backyard to now?” I wailed.

 

Nothing. He didn’t say a word. He just clutched his knees and stared down at his feet.

 

“Ok, I get it.” I conceded. I got up to leave when he grabbed my hand.

 

“Look, Jude. You just don’t get it. What happened on Saturday shouldn’t have, and I don’t know why it did. I was vulnerable and scared and you were—I don’t know— you were just there!” he wailed.

 

“Oh, ok.” I whispered. “Well, um, next time you need someone to feel sorry for you, why don’t you make sure it’s Daria, because I can’t do this anymore.”

 

“Do what?” Connor cried.

 

“ _THIS_!” I motioned my arms back and forth between the two of us. “Whatever this is. You always become distant when something that isn't masculine happens between us. I’m tired of being the one to suffer when you’re the one that always starts it! You can’t keep expecting me to act like everything is ok between us when you finally decide that you’ve proved your masculinity and you’re ready to resume our friendship. I deserve better, Connor. And maybe you’re right. As far as I’m concerned—we didn’t kiss.” I said through clenched teeth.

 

“Good.” Connor said as he clenched his jaw. “Now can we just put this behind us and get back to being best friends?” He questioned. _You cannot be serious. Wow._

 

“You know what Connor, maybe this’ll make you feel even better. Let’s just pretend you never even came over on Saturday, and maybe—just maybe—then I’ll be able to look at you. Don’t hold your breath on this whole friend thing.” I spat.

 

I left the bathroom and walked to my next class. I didn’t even bother to look behind me to see Connor when I left. Sure I felt bad about what I’d said, but it needed to be done. I should’ve known that this wouldn’t end up happily for me. Things didn’t ever seem to work out for Callie and me, and it wasn’t fair. It seemed that all Connor knew how to do was to play with my emotions. Well, I was done. I wasn’t going to give him the opportunity to do it again.


	8. Chapter 8

I couldn't believe I was back in the position, yet again. Every time I thought something would go right in my life, it just backfires in the worst possible way. Ever since I was a kid, it seemed like the universe was working against me. My parents die, and Callie and I are moved around from foster home to foster home, where we are beaten and unappreciated. So I just decided to not have hope, and to accept the bad things that happened to me. Meeting Connor though, I found hope. Hope that I could be normal and have a normal guy friend! But lo and behold, even that couldn't be normal. He too becomes distant, until he decides we can be friends again. And because of that unfortunate series of bad luck, I found myself, once again, in a position where Connor and I had strained our relationship.

 

(…)

 

I stormed out of the bathroom and made my way to my mom’s office. Tears were beginning to stream down my face, and I knew that there was no way I would be able to go to my next class all in one piece. I didn't bother to humor Connor with my attention as I heard him calling after me. I doubt this would phase him. Approaching Lena’s office, my shaking palm wrapped around the door handle and I made my way in. Once in, I used my back to close the door. I shut my eyes, tears pouring out, my breathing uneven, heaving for breath, and I slid down to the floor. Burying my head in my arms, I could hear the swift movement of Lena’s feet moving over to me.

 

“Jude, honey, what’s wrong?” her voice trying to sound calm, but I could hear the frantic undertone.

 

I couldn’t find the words to say. The only noises I could continue to make were those of my gasping for air.

 

“Jude, please tell me what’s the matter.” She pleaded.

 

“I—don’t—want—to—talk—about—it.” I bawled.

 

My body shook as Lena wrapped her arms around me. I melted into her hold and began sobbing into her blouse. I was able to stop the weeping for a while to ask her,

 

“Do you think you could call the nurse? Give me an excuse to get out of class.” I questioned.

 

“Of course, honey.” she whispered.

 

I spent the next half hour sobbing into my clothes, and wiping my runny nose on the sleeve of my shirt, but eventually I was all cried out. There were no tears left inside my body, and so, I sat against the wall of my mom’s office and stared blankly ahead of me. 7th period would be starting soon, and I knew I had to go to tennis. I gathered my emotions, and pushed myself off of the floor. Lena looked up from her desk.

 

“Are you feeling better, Jude?” she questioned.

 

“A little bit, but I have to go to tennis, being captain and all. Thank you for getting me out of class, I know it was a one time thing.” I said as I embraced her for a hug.

 

“You’re welcome, Honey. Just know, though, that if you want to talk about what happened today that upset you so much, your mom and I are always here to listen.” she cooed, giving me a warm heart-felt smile.

 

“Thanks, and I know that.” I returned with a smile, not an utterly convincing one, mind you.

 

I opened the door with the sound of the bell, and made my way into the hallway, where I mixed into the endless sea and abyss that was the Anchor Beach student body.

 

(…)

 

Tennis practice was coming to a close. Kids had finished their practice matches and were gathering around while Taylor and I discussed what needed to be said.

 

“Ok, great job today guys! Everyone is looking really good! Just a reminder that districts are coming up, so every match you guys play from this point forward is really important.” Taylor shouted.

 

“Definitely!” I chimed in. “We are working with coach to come up with a competition bracket so that he can start to come up with who he wants to compete at districts! So be sure to take the upcoming matches seriously, as they can impact who will represent our team and this school.” I warned.

 

“So, with that, practice is adjourned! Have a great day guys!”

 

I walked into the locker room and began to place my racquet bag inside when I noticed Connor and another guy on the team walk into the room towards their lockers. I couldn’t stand to even be in the same room as him, so I took my backpack out of my locker and shut the door. When I walked past Connor I heard him say bye to our teammate. I began to quicken my pace when I heard Connor do the same from behind me. When I could feel him get closer I burst into a full sprint.

 

“Jude, please!” he cried. “Can’t we just forget about this and be friends again!?” he pined.

 

I reached my car and hurriedly sped away.———The rest of the night I was met with texts from Connor, pleading me to speak with him. Most of them saying how he didn't want to lose his best friend and yada yada yada. Others, though, were things like “what are you even mad about” or “why can't you just forget about whatever pissed you off”. _Like excuse me_. I wasn’t having it anymore. I was not going to cave this time. I was done being treated like shit, so I did what any sane person would’ve done. I blocked his contact. _Oops. Sorry not sorry._

(…)

 

Today is Friday October, 30. I haven’t spoken to Connor in over a month. And it’s been the worst month of my life, but obviously I can’t let him know that. On the outside I’ve been presenting myself as fine. That’s it, just _fine._ But on the inside, though, I’ve been no where close to fine. A piece of my soul cracked and crumbled every time I saw Connor with Daria. Every time he was… _happy._ How could he be happy?  He laughed and kissed her. They cuddled and called each other pet names. Despite all of this, though, the day I didn’t see him at all were the worst. At least when I saw him, there were definitely moments I could tell he wasn’t as happy as he led on, and that made me happy. I know. That’s pretty twisted, but I guess that’s what jealousy does to the heart.

 

Now I don't want it to seem like Connor and I haven't been civil, but we just haven't been _Jude and Connor_ like we used to be _._ I still sit with him and Taylor at lunch, but sometimes I can’t handle him and Daria, so I eat with Lena. I started playing doubles with him, per coaches request, and we are actually really good together, but I won’t let anyone else know I think so. We don’t talk to each other unless it pertains to the match, but I still pine after him to myself. I still find myself getting lost in his hazel eyes from a far, and smelling his cologne when we’re close enough together. We are hostile to each other occasionally, though. It’s whatever though, I guess.

 

Tomorrow is Halloween, and Taylor is dead set on going to this huge party by this girl in our class. She’s super rich because her dad owns a real estate empire that spans across the west coast, so she has these huge parties all the time. I wasn’t planning on going, but Taylor is making me, I guess my plan of staying home and being pathetic wasn’t gonna fly with her. I knew that Connor and Daria were going, so my plan was to cling to Taylor until she started to hang out with them, then I’d hit the booze.

 

(…)

 

We got to the party around 9, which is when it began to get to full swing. All of the lights were off, of course, minus some colorful strobe lights hanging around. Music was blaring and people were all over the house grinding on each other with solo cups in their hands. Taylor and I went to the kitchen and grabbed a drink. We danced a little then found some of our tennis friends to talk to. We’d been there about and 2 hours when Daria and Connor stumbled over to us. They were obviously a little buzzed. They had no sense of balance, and were making no sense when they were talking to us.

 

“Hey guyys. What’s upp?” Daria slurred.

 

“Not much, just enjoying the party.” I shouted above the music.

 

“You seem really boring, Juuuude. You need some ALCOHOL!” Connor shouted, spilling some of his drink on me.

 

“Seriously?” I screeched, looking down at the wet spot forming on my shirt. “Stop being such a douche, Connor!” I shrieked.

 

I stormed off into the kitchen. I leaned onto the edge of the counter and looked into the sink. I took a deep breathe a pushed off. I walked over to the booze and poured some vodka into my cup before taking a huge gulp.

 

“Whoa, slow down there buddy.” a voice said from behind me.

 

“haha, it’s just one of those days.” I countered.

 

“So, uh, are you supposed to be dressed as an angel?” He questioned.

 

“Um, no haha. This isn't a costume party.” I answered awkwardly, lowering my head and laughing towards the floor.

 

“Oh, well isn’t that embarrassing for me?” he replied, making eye contact with me.

 

“I’m Josh, by the way.” he smiled, extending his hand.

 

“I’m Jude.” I took his hand and smiled.

 

I’d seen him around school before. He wasn’t bad looking by any stretch of the imagination. He had brunette hair and the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. He was a few inches taller than me, and if it’s possible for a voice to be like melted chocolate, his would be it. I’d never even admitted to myself I was gay, let alone anyone else, so the fact that he was hitting on me at this moment was really interesting. But of course, this moment wouldn't last forever as the one and only Connor Stevens barged in. Only now he was totally wasted, so that was just icing on the cake.

 

“What are yew doin hur ass face?” he spewed towards Josh.

 

“Back off Stevens, you’re drunk.” he argued.

 

“Joood, yur wayy too kewl fur this loser.” he said, swaying a little bit as he did.

 

“That’s it!” Josh shouted, and he began to walk over to Connor with a clinched fist.

 

I ran over between the two of them.

 

“Ok, this isn’t gonna end in a fight. So I am going to take him home.” I turned around and wrapped one of Connor’s arms around my neck and led him through the crowded house.

 

We got to my car, and I sent Taylor a text letting her know what was going on. I was helping Connor get into my car when he doubled over and threw up on the road.

 

“So—sorrry.” He slurred.

 

This was bad. Sure I’d been pissed at Connor for the better half of the last month, but he needed me right now. There was no way he was going to be fine if I left him alone. I drove back to my house, and helped Connor out of the car. We silently made our way into the backyard, where Connor knocked over s flower pot.

 

“Shhhhh!” I put a finger to my lips.

 

“hehehe right. Shhhhh.” Connor responded.

 

I led him up to my room.

 

“Ok, go sit over on my bed and I’ll get you some pajamas.” He nodded and trudged over to the bed, plopping down on it.

 

I walked into my bathroom to get some clothes from the linen closet. I returned, only to find that Connor had passed out. I wasn’t mad, and I couldn't help but smile. I titled my head to one side and I raised the corner of my mouth into a smile. Sure Connor had put me through hell, but right now, he looked so peaceful. I walked over to him, and took off his shoes, and got him under the covers. I looked down at him, and brought my hand to his head. I stroked his hair and leaned down to his level. I pressed my lips against his forehead.

 

“Goodnight, Con.” I whispered.

 

I changed into some pajamas, and did my nightly routine before walking over to Jesus’ old bed and getting comfortable. I looked at Connor once again before I turned the other side and went to sleep.

 

(…)

 

I woke up around 10 the next morning and saw that Connor was still sleeping. I went down stairs and brought him back a glass of water, and some pills that I knew would help his impending hangover. I leave my room to go take a shower, and when I come back, Connor is up. He’s hunched over the bed clutching his head with both hands. I saw that he’d taken the pills. I came a little closer.

 

“Hey.” I said plainly.

 

“Hey. Thanks for all the help. I don’t remember everything from last night, but if you hadn’t helped me I don’t know what would’ve happened to me.”

 

“You’re welcome.” I stood with my arms crossed.

 

There was a silence before Connor spoke. “Can we talk?” he said as he patted a spot on the bed next to him.

 

“Sure.” I said as I walked over and sat next to him. I didn’t know where this conversation would go, but hopefully it would end with me having my best friend back.


	9. Chapter 9

I really don’t know what to say. Connor and I made up that morning after the Halloween Party, and since then…everything has been surreal, and that’s to say the least. We didn’t talk about our kiss, or anything of that nature, but we vaguely danced around the topic of our… “feelings” towards one another, though we definitely didn’t word it that way. Anyways, we have been closer than even these last few weeks. We just finished Thanksgiving Break, and Christmas is right around the corner, so I’ve been trying to nonchalantly throw gift ideas off Connor, to possibly try and latch onto what he wants. I want it to be something special, and something Daria won’t even think about getting. And yes, there was meant to be hostility in that last statement.

(…)

Yet another Friday at school is over, but this one couldn’t have come sooner. First week back from Thanksgiving and it seemed like classes would never end. Tennis practice had just ended and Connor and I had plans to hang out, but I couldn’t find him. I didn’t think anything of it, so I texted him that I’d meet him at my car and we’d go from there. I had packed my racquet bag into my locker when coach shouted my name from his office, his head peaking out the door. I shut my locker and walked into coaches office with my backpack draped over my shoulder.

“Hey coach, what’s up?” I questioned.

“Listen, Jude. You’ve been very impressive this year as captain, and not to mention a player.”

“Thank you!” I replied, a smile sneaking onto my face.

“You’ve been my number one, go-to guy, right hand man, and any other phrase to voice my best student. Which is why I wanted to tell you, before I officially post the list, that I want you to play Line 1 singles in Districts this year.” He said, leaning back in his chair and placing his hands on the back of his head.

I stood there. Speechless. I didn’t know what to say. I’d been dreaming of this since I was a wee little freshman. This was such a big deal, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

“Wow. Coach, are you serious??” I gawked. He simply nodded.

“I promise I will not let you down! This is such an honor. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I shouted.

“I also want you and Stevens to play Line 1 doubles. I think you boys have a real good shot at making it to state.” 

“That’s great! I can’t wait to tell him the news.” I stood, starting to fidget, eager to tell the news. I saw coach staring at me.

“What are you waiting for, go on and tell him. Have a great weekend, Jude.” He asserted.

No sooner than he’d said those words I was out the door. I grabbed my phone and dialed Connor’s number, but no answer. I called him twice after that and still nothing. I stood confused, and annoyed until I saw him. Not him. Them. Under a tree a saw Connor and Daria…making out. My blood boiled. I walked over to the two of them and cleared my throat. Their lips parted, and Connor turned around to face me. He smiled.

“Hey, Jude.” He said. His perfect white teeth shining through his grin. This normally would’ve made me weak at the knees, but right now, I wasn’t having it.

“You read to go?” I questioned flatly.

“Sure.” He answered. He grabbed his things and gave Daria a quick peck on the lips.

As we were walking away, Daria said goodbye to me, and I may have been a little rude. I said goodbye sarcastically, and while she didn’t notice, I knew Connor did.

“What was that for?” He interrogated.

“What was what for?” I asked, playing dumb.

“You know what I mean.” He responded.

“It was nothing.” I said plainly, trying to deflect the question.

“It most certainly was something, I know you Jude, and that—”

“CAN YOU JUST DROP IT?!” I screamed, stopping in my place.

We stood there in silence for a second, before Connor said:

“Chill out, Jude. You don’t have to yell at me. I thought we were past all of this childish nonsense.” He cooed. He’s right.

“You’re right, Con. I just…after all this time, I’m honestly just still not one-hundred percent okay with you and Daria’s relationship. That’s all. It just made me uncomfortable watching you two go at each other, not to mention I was a little pissed because I’d called you three times because I had important things to tell you.” I managed to say all of that in one breath. 

“I’m sorry, Jude. I didn’t realize all of that.” He apologized, and we continued to walk in silence for a while. We reached my car, and I got into the drivers seat. I rested my hands on the steering wheels for a few seconds before I spoke.

“Like, why do you even like Daria anyway?” I questioned, intrigued to find out his reasons. I stared at his face for his reaction.

“She’s hot.” He said after a few seconds. Plain and simple. His face showed no change, but I did see his eyes wander, almost as is he had to manufacture a false answer. His answer had no solid conviction behind it. None whatsoever. And that kind of made me happy. Oh, what a twisted boy I am.

“I’m sorry, Jude. I really am.” He admitted.

I couldn’t help but smile a little bit. I really enjoyed the fact that he was apologizing. This wouldn't have happened a month ago. We would have gone on in an awkward silence, and not talked for a while. We had truly changed after the Halloween Party. Something just clicked, and we became closer. We bonded more than I thought we could, and we had reached a new level in our…friendship.

“It’s ok.” I replied.

“So. What is it that you wanted to tell me.”

“Coach wants us to play Line 1 doubles at Districts!” I cheered.

Connor sat there. Wide-eyed. 

“Wow. I can’t believe this. This is amazing. I knew we were good, but I honestly never expected this!” He sat in awe. 

“I mean, I knew IIII was this good, but your talent came as a surprise to me too!” I teased, sticking me tongue out.

Connor responded by shoving my shoulder. He knew I was kidding, but we sat silent after that. But it was a comfortable silence. 

“You know, I like when we’re like this. Like just chilling together and having a good time. Sometimes I feel like we can’t always be like this with each other, but car conversations are the best.”

I was driving with one hand clutching the steering wheel, and the other draped over the console. I felt Connor’s hand clutch my free hand when he spoke.

“I feel the same way. We’ve had a really great last couple weeks, and I’m so thankful for it. You have really done a lot for me. Especially the way you saved me from a terrible night on Halloween. I am thankful.” He squeezed my hand, and I looked down at our hands. Intertwined… What is happening. This is perfect. I love this. Our hands remained connected until we got to the mall. We got out and walked to the food court to enjoy a meal. We spent a few hours just walking around, when we crossed paths with the Nike store. As we passed, Connor stopped in front of the window and began staring at a pair of shoes. They were a limited edition pair of Nike tennis shoes that were popular in the 70’s. They’d been redesigned and were white with blue leather.

“Those are some real nice shoes.” I pried. 

“You bet they are. I’d love to get my hands on a pair of those, but they’re only around for another week or two. Not only that, but I just don’t have the cash to get them.” He shrugged his shoulders and started to walk away.

I knew exactly what I was getting Connor for Christmas. I had plenty of cash lying around from doing chores and various other things. Just to play along, I said:

“Sucks.”

“Wow. Ouch, dude! Don’t be so harsh!” Connor giggled.

He began to poke me in my side, and I doubled over and began laughing, when he abruptly stopped. I straightened myself up, and I looked over in the direction Connor had been looking. Walking over in our direction was a group of guys from our school. I didn’t know them personally, but I knew that Connor was acquainted with him. I’d seen him briefly with them at the Halloween party, obviously they were all getting a bit drunk together. There was one that was obviously the ring leader, and he approached Connor.

“Hey Stevens, sup bro.” He extended his fist, and Connor bumped them.

“Not much, just looking around the mall you know.”

“Yeah…so…are you here with….him?” He nodded his head in my direction and stared at me.

Connor cleared his throat and I saw his eyes shoot off in my direction.

“Yeah, I’m just trying to get away from the girlfriend. You know how it is, Derek!” He forced a laugh.

I stood there kind of awkwardly. I leaned over and told him that I was going to get some ice cream from Marbleslab and he could come join me when he was through talking to the guys. I went over and got some cookies n’ cream ice cream. I stood and watched Connor interact with the group of guys. There were some awkward laughs, and he occasionally glared in my direction. When he walked over, we took a seat at the food court tables. I took a bite of the ice cream and moaned in delight. I took another spoonful and offered it out to him. He looked hesitant and kept looking around us.

Annoyed, I spoke. “They’re not here anymore, Connor. They left.”

At my words, he allowed me to feed him the ice cream. We sat there for a little bit until I suggested that we leave. Once we got in the car I turned to him.

“Ok, Connor. You’re the one who said we should stop being so childish. So why are you acting so paranoid? You are watching and making sure that no one is watching is. You’re so tense. Just relax. I mean, are you embarrassed by me or something?” I asked, not entirely sure what answer to expect.

He turned to me. His face showing pain, as if he couldn’t comprehend how I could even suggest such a thing. 

“I could never be embarrassed by you! It’s just…when we are together, things just happen. And I just find myself doing things I wouldn’t normally do. I just think I need to be more careful about how I interact with you.”

I stared ahead of me, outside the windshield. I’m not entirely sure what he meant, but I could gather for sure that I made him act a certain way.

“So what does that mean?” I interrogated.

Connor sighed, and started wringing his hands.

“I’m not sure…I—I just—I just know that we are best friends and I don’t want to have to worry about how I act when I’m around you.” My heart sank a little bit when he said best friends. I mean, we are best friends, but I thought that after everything, he may have seen us as a little more.

“I get it. Don’t worry. How about we just go hang at my house?” Connor nodded in agreement.

After playing video games and watching TV for a couple hours, I was walking Connor out when I remember I forgot to tell him my singles news. 

“Hey, I forgot to tell you something earlier” I said.

“What?” His hazel eyes stared into mine. I had his full undivided attention, and I felt special. It made me feel like a love-sick puppy.

“Well. Coach told me that I’m gonna be play Line 1 singles for Districts.” I explained.

He launched himself towards me and threw his arms around my neck.

“Jude! That’s fantastic! I’m so proud of you! That’s simply amazing!” He exclaimed.

I stared back at his face, I could tell I was blushing, but I didn’t care. We stared into each others eyes for a moment before he removed his arms from my neck.

“Today was fun.” I said, biting my lip.

“For sure. Hang tomorrow?” He questioned.

“Of course.” I smiled. “Bye, Con.”

“Bye, Jude. I’ll text you.” He smiled at me. 

What happened next, I never saw myself doing, yet it happened. I quickly leaned forward and kissed Connor on the cheek, the shut the door. Hopefully he’ll still text me.


End file.
